i talk to myself

A year of firsts and lasts. Moving into different roles and finally feeling comfortable in existing ones, I’ve had quite the senior year. With all the stress it brings, I’ve found myself becoming the person I want to be. It feels like I’m starting to act more without thinking so much, which feels incredible as an overthinker. I was nervous to start the semester with limited friends in most of my classes because I felt like it would be a bust, but I’ve made unexpected close bonds, and I hope to strengthen them this upcoming semester. I’ve been challenged, of course, but I have grown to be less hard on myself. It honestly has helped me rise up from the frequent falls high school brings, and I’m genuinely proud of myself for finally reaching this point.  12 AP has been quite an interesting literature experience. Reading classic, renowned texts have made me more appreciative of the repertoire out there, and I’ve taken interest in several habits this class has helped me build. The colla...

You win. You lose. Triumph. Failure.   This is the model created by competitions. The more prestigious a competition is, the more proud you feel if you win, and the more you cry if you fail. It seems contradictory, but you tend to put in more effort when the stakes are higher, so it's only reasonable that you feel down on yourself when you lose. However, the subjectivity of awards in competitions has always enraged most people. Beauty rests in the eye of the beholder, people say. While that pleases people when it comes to physical appearances, it kills their spirit when it comes to competitions. After spending hours and hours on preparation, what more could these subjective judges, these overlords, these game masters want? Do they not CARE?  People can sugarcoat it all they want, but there's very little you can say to help someone get over losing. My greatest challenge has been coming to peace with it. I don't want to discount competitions for their unfairness nor glorify t...

You’re scrolling through your Instagram feed and you come across a picture of your best friend in the Bahamas looking fantastic in a stunning scenery of luscious palm trees and a slow-moving sea. You instantly comment  “I LOVE YOU YOU LOOK AMAZING,” giving your friend the ego boost you internally crave. The expectation you’ve built up regarding your friend’s trip suddenly plummets when he tells you how much he hated it there. Regardless, he looked like he was enjoying it. Was he being fake or just controlled by the social network, the matrix of superficiality that encapsulates us all? To understand the grip of the network and its dangers, we can go back in time and grapple with Oscar Wilde’s play “The Importance of Being Earnest” and Joyce Carol Oates’s short story “Three Girls.” Though dating back to the 19th and 20th centuries, these pieces of literature can educate us about the pervasive desire to portray false personas and its consequences. Furthermore, the pursuit to meet soc...